I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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