Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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