i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
