with your own penis?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
