dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
