I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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