Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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