I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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