she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
