As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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