I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize