my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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