how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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