Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
