You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
