One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
