I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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