You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
