What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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