dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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