Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did I show you my penis last night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
