Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
