i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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