so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
