You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
