Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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