I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My feet surprised me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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