Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i think im in europe. pls send help
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
