His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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