So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
