i jhust puked up my retainher.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
