You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ttyl tear gas
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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