Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
