I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
