Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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