Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
