Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
