so that wasnt chicken after all
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
