The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
