He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
