no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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