I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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