She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
