Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
