she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
