I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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