I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Floor bacon is actually really good
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
