I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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