you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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