Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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