the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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