plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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