I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize