I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
