i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
