i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
