i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's never too late to be topless.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
