Buhtt sex?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
