I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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