I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
