Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
